Halloween Crisis

Written By Alexis

PART 2

So after reading my last post, you are probably waundering what I actually was for halloween. I was a gypsy/ fortune teller, but let me tell you, there was a lot of stress that came along with it.

For one, I waited until one day before halloween, to decide what my costume was. I mean my mom even told me a week prior to this that I should have everything figured pretty soon. And of course, typical tween, I do not listen and procastinated. I took "pretty soon" as last minute! Well, here I am, the day of, scrounding around the house finding little things to make my costume recongnisable. I am talking on the computer, google image searching: girl gypsy halloween costume, and comparing to see what I have to work with. Luckily my mom had a box of really cool masks and clothing that I could use. Oh, my mom had a pretty full halloween day, so she squeezed in the day before as much help as she could offer. I was basically on my own. Talk about stress!

Oh my gosh! When my mom got home, the house was covered in jewerly and clothes from past attempts. By this time I had pulled it all together and I needed just one thing to top it off. I mean I had the skirt (which is a big deal for anyone who knows me), a very fancy vest, a shaw, a cool bracelette, a scarf transformed into a waist wrap, and a mystic attitude. Remember I am gypsy. So my mom quickly ran me to Joannes and got me this cool $5 head piece. Everything else we had at home. So my whole costume cost $5 and was really awesome. I got a lot of compliments and it was fun. You know, besides all of the stress. My mom and I were proud of ourselves.

So, was it a ton of stress? Yah. If I could do it over, would I change it? Of course. Will it happen again? Probably not. I cannot do that to me, let alone my mom. I mean she is the one who wants the best for me and will go to the end of the universe for me to be happy. She is the one whos day gets stressed over something as minor my having a small headache (which are pretty frequent for me). Believe me tweens, I am not the only luckly one, everyone our mom's would do this for us. No matter how stressed out the mom gets, the only reason she does it, is because she loves you.

Okay so, I did have some fun trick or treating (with all ettiquette applied), but I had the most fun brainstorming ideas. I acually did not realize how hard it was to find a costume that I really felt good to wear. Not only in comfort, but in the story behind it, the color scemes, the message. Anyway these are my top 5 easy last minute ideas for all of you procrastinating tweens...

Dead Sports Player -this could be from any sports uniform that you have gotten from playing sports and paint your face white with dark black circles under your eyes plus fate blue lips

A Witch- I know the most original, but you can find a way to give it some flair. Maybe add a characteristic quality that you have

An Artist or Evil Scientist- I put these in the same category because you can just use a white coat-ish thing and get it dirty with paint or dirt and you know. If you are a scientist, do your hair crazy and some dirt on your face. An artist, you could carry a painting pallet and use personally painted pillow case trick or treating bag

Pirate- it sounds hard, but it is not too difficult when you have the following things, some jeans, if you have uggs or boots, a white long sleeved shirt, a long knee long jacket, and a pirate hat (which you can get anywhere for cheap).

Poverished- just wrap yourself in a long brown, tan, or dark olive green old blanket with holes it

More importantly, the best advice I can offer is to NOT wait until the last minute, all of these costumes can be put together pretty simply.

I hope this helps add ideas and keeps you and your moms stress free next halloween!

Bugs and Wishes

Written by Leslie

"Bugs and Wishes" I recently heard an interesting approach in handling conflict between young children. It's taught in elementary schools and the simplicity humors me, yet I think this could be applied in adult relationships when handling conflict as well.

So, imagine this. A child is kicking the chair of another-the child on the receiving end could handle this by using the "Bugs and Wishes" approach.

He would simply say, "it bugs me when you are kicking my chair and I wish you would stop."

I think this is a very simplistic way in empowering our youth to handle these type situations. It's too often in our own lives within families, friends, co-workers or spouses that we have the most difficult times in addressing conflict; often times biting our tongue, holding back, expressing ourselves in a passive agressive or worse, agressive manner.

Imagine how simple this is when speaking to your tween vs ranting and raving for 5 minutes to make sure you're clear and understood- draining your energy while the tween often times tunes you out. Pretty counterproductive.

At this age, the simpler the better.

"It bugs me when you leave your clothes on the floor and I wish you would place them in the hamper."

Period. Point made. Move on.

This approach isn't designed to attack another, place blame, build resentment, bring up past hurts or hold back expressing oneself-it only addresses the situation at hand and allows a person the opportunity to express their preferred needs or wants.

So, next time you're in conflict with another, just remember your

bugs

and

wishes....

Halloween Crisis

Written By Alexis

PART 1

Halloween my favorite holiday. Staying up late, hanging out with friends, creativity oozing from the costumes, I cant pass. Kids call it socializing city, parents a disaster waiting to happen! What parents-especially moms- do not realize is the transition crisis their little bitties go through. Before the kids get to actually enjoy themselves, kids - often around the age of 9 or 10 (tweens)- start getting conscious about their costume. Who are my friends being? Is my costume too kid-ish? Believe me I have hit that marker! This is nothing out of the ordinary! But there are a few things you might want to take into consideration.


The biggest thing a tween -especially a girl- needs is the moms or parents support. No different in this subject either. Even if the mom sees their tween girl trying to get out of the annual trick-or-treating get together with the neighbors, do not be alarmed! The girl might just want to hang out with a different crowd from school. Or maybe her friends are not going so she won't. This is okay. It is just her way of growing up and trying new things. As the mom, do not start reminiscing about when they used to... or when it was so cute when they... . I mean you can, but please do not express it to the tween because the tween still plays off of your energy. So if your tween might let an occasional whatever, eye roll, or some attitude slip, mom, it is your job to express to us that this is something you do not like, but it is okay to do when she needs to express herself.Encourage her to communicate with you with what is going on. I mean I can tell when my mom is on a crabby episode which usually is from bad day. I let her cool down a bit, then go in to talk. It is more beneficial for your relationship to communicate this way, instead of yelling or having an attitude war. That way the tween feels more like their mom is trying to be their friend as opposed to an enemy.

So I have noticed with little kids that their opinion on Halloween is, they cannot wait for their costume and all the candy. Hanging out with friends, how cool the costume is, what they look like does not mean squat to them. I have noticed that as time progresses, we base our costumes and opinion off of friends or idols. Tweenism has kicked in when we kind of let go of trick or treating with mom and dad and prefer to go to a friends house or to just walk around people watching instead. We usually still dress up in a costume like a witch or something easy and trick or treating is still fun, but as long as friends are around, not younger siblings accounted for, and mom or dad either stays home or stays quiet. Moms, this is typically how it goes. It depends on when the tween decides to not participate. You are not the one who makes this decision! If you try to, the tween might be mad or feeling like they are being pushed too hard and rebel which could lead to a fight.

Mom and tween, you might be wondering if the tween wants to still go trick or treating, what the proper etiquette is or right types of outfits are. As a tween, I am currently going through this. I do not have all the answers, but here is what I think.

Costumes:

As far as costumes go, I do not think Hannah Montana costumes are“cool” unless you are trying to go as a joke- then it is okay. So any Tellie Tubbies or Power Ranger costumes like that are very kid-ish. Cool ones could be witches, vaporises (girl vampires), professions, etc. . When I say professions, I mean chefs, artists, athletes and stuff are cool. Also, if you dress up as a fairy, ladybug, bee, is okay, but as long as they are not too over the top- that in my mind is appropriate.

Etiquette:

For tweens, it really matters how polite you are. You do not have to be as polite as Queen Elizabath, but even Halloween etiquette reflects on how your parents raised you and how people (mainly adults) percieve you. Okay, so say you are at this house and some little toddlers come up behind you. What do you do?


Well, the polite thing to do would be let the kids go in front of you.The little kids have not been trick or treating any more than a couple of years so it would be fair to let them go ahead.
Honestly, you should really just go at a time where mostly older kids are out so you can avoid this.


Another polite thing to do when out trick or treating is to always say thank you to whoever gives you the candy. There is always that one person on the block who gives out apples or packing peanuts, but no matter what, you should always say thank you and happy Halloween or something.

*And moms, a lot of times when you praise your tween for thanking the person, such as saying, “That was very nice” the tween feels better about it and are encouraged. If your tween maybe forgets to say thank you, do not yell out, "say thank you!" When my mom does that loud enough for the person who receives it, I feel like I am not polite and I feel bad. Then when I say, “Oh yah, thank you” often, the person receiving responds, “Your welcome” with a pity chuckle. So I am not saying your tween feels like this and maybe you feel like it does not even matter, but this is how I sometimes feel.

Back to tween etiquette, after the night is over, it is always polite to thank your mom/parent/guardian, or friends mom/parent/guardian for taking you. This could just show how you are adjusting to tweenism (whether it is graceful or not) . If you give them just a, “Yah thanks, whatever” and do not look them in the eye or even look at them when you say this, they probably will not take much from this. But if you say, “Thank you very much I had a great time”and look at them in the eye, they will probably be impressed and feel more appreciated.

So Tweens, as you can see, etiquette, costumes, and just your attitude will play a lot in how you are perceived at Halloween. It is not that you need to be someone different than yourself, just be yourself and make sure you are manner conscious. Believe me, friends, family, and just adults in general will appreciate it and realize how mature you've become. Parents, understand that it is important in supporting your Tween in expressing themselves not only with their costumes choice but believing that you've taught them well in their mannerisms and wanting to be more independent on this holiday.

Introducing Our New Tween Blog

My eleven year old, Alexis, and I would like to welcome you to our new blogspot. We've created this space as a tool to share the experiences of tweens and the journey into adolescence or as Alexis calls it, "tweenism".

tweenism n. a state of being in between a child and an adolescent (teen).


This is a very impressionable time in which the child becomes more independent in thought, requires more personal space and begins to detach from parents whom they once idealized as their own personal "super-hero". I personally loved playing this role. Over the years I became amazed at even myself for these feelings of protection and offering such insightful direction (OR so I thought). Alexis would look at me as if I had these amazing powers of secret force shields surrounding her by just my presence of sleeping next to her, with eyes in the back of my head, super-human hearing, and it was back then I could heal all hurts with simply a kiss. Wasn't long until she found me out, realized I'm not supermom as she had once believed. She began realizing that I, too, am figuring it out as I go. When this happens, it is typical tweens begin to pull back becoming more independent in their own ideas, thoughts and opinions...

As a parent, we often react to this newfound independence from a place of fear that our little girl/boy is growing up. Our hero-like qualities are fading away. We become more confused holding onto the image of that little bitty that still needs us....right?

The truth is, this power we had felt, was simply the power of unconditional, pure love. Maybe what we were fearing was the possibility of this amazing unconditional bond between us and our child is what could actually be fading away.

Alexis assures me that's not true, not the case, nor even possible. If anything the bond grows stronger as tweens test their boundaries all while knowing they can rely on their parents if they stumble along the way. It is then our role to offer acceptance, love and direction only in a less hands-on approach. The true challenge lies in the parent letting go and allowing their little super-heros the space to find their own powers within.

Our hildren are angels sent here for us as parents to learn the true meaning of unconditional love; raising a tween is a period of time when we are presented with many opportunities to truly demonstrate the power of this love.

I don't know, maybe it's been Alexis protecting me all along.....

I hope you enjoy our postings and we encourage sharing your stories too. This is an amazing journey watching our little bitties grow into their own super-hero selves.

Let's enjoy the journey together!